Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
