Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
