the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
