My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
