you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
