I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
