Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
