I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
