Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They took my balls.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
