I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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