That's when you crack a 10am beer
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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