Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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