He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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