new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
