Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
