between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
