the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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