Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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