I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
