yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
