I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
