So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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