I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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