Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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