It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
