I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
