you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
