It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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