That's when you crack a 10am beer
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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