Where is the hickey?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
