I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
