Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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