I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
