Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
