he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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