I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
