I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
