if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
