Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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