HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
