What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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