Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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