Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
