she pinky promised me she was 18
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
