she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
