What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There are leaves in my underwear?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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