is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it's like iHOP with fire
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
