i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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