im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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