I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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