My nipple is on Facebook.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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