the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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