Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
